| If a professional
says... |
A
parent hears... |
Suggestions |
| In my
professional opinion... |
This is
what I'm telling you to do, and I have the power say so. I'm the
professional, you are not. My opinion is better than yours.
(Parents already know that you are the professional, and that
what you have to say is your opinion.) |
Ask the
parents how they feel about something first, then state how you
"feel". Describe your thoughts, what it looks like and then ask
the parents again what they think. Remember that parents are the
best experts on their own children. |
| You need
to trust us... |
We are
trying to get you to do what we want, please don't question us.
(Parents don't need to trust you, and certainly not just because
you say so. You need to earn their trust) |
Ask the
parents what would make them feel comfortable with your actions.
Offer other resources for information and support. |
| What you
need to understand Mrs.... |
Its my way
because I say so, and my viewpoint is the only one that counts.
(This may be the most condescending statement of all) |
Don't
assume that everyone must see things your way. You are one tiny
fragment of a child's life, the parents are in it for the long
run. They are responsible for doing what is best for their
child. Provide tools and accurate information for parents to
make educated choices. |
| We love
your child... |
Now that
we say that we have this great love for your child, you should
let us make the decisions for him. (You don't love a child
unless your willing stay up all night holding his head up if he
is vomiting and donate a kidney if needed without a second
thought.) |
No one
should like, dislike or love a child because they happen to have
a disability. You can enjoy things about him, appreciate and
respect him, and even care for him, but as long as you are being
paid to be with him, there is no love that compares to that of
the parents. |
This is
only a draft, we can change things as we go....
|
We met
without you and decided what your child's goals should be.
Because the law says so, we have to give you a chance to make
changes, and say that you're a member of the team. We don't want
to spend a lot of time on this. |
If there
is to be a rough draft have team members meet with the parents
ahead of time to collaborate goals, and give parents a copy of
it before the meeting. Never bring a fully typed report that the
parents were not a part of creating to a meeting. |
| I have a
meeting to be at in one hour.... |
I'm here
because I have to be, but I have more important things to do. I
am a very important busy person and you are not. You should be
thankful I made the time to attend your child's meeting. |
Say things
like, I apologize that I may not be able stay as long as needed,
if that happens, lets plan another time to continue. I don't
want to rush this, we'll take as much time as needed to create
an appropriate plan for your child. |
| Our
resources are limited... |
We are not
going to provide what you are asking for, nor are we interested
in pursuing this any further. Children with disabilities are not
valuable enough to be a priority for resources. |
Parents
know that resources are not unlimited, and they also know the
law provides that children will receive a free and appropriate
education. If you must say something about resources, talk about
how you are going to work things out. |
| There is a
great class/service over at... |
We don't
want your child here, he has to go to where the services are.
First consideration will be the label your child has and what
place he fits into, not the regular class or preschool.
Statements like these perpetuate categorical placements and
segregated environments. |
Tell
parents strategies and techniques that work. Give examples from
other settings, and talk as a team about how to bring those
supports and services to the child. Work together toward
solutions and network with others who have successfully
integrated similar supports and services into typical
environments. |
| Other
parents... |
Don't make
this hard on us, you should do things the way everyone else
does. Face if you must be wrong. |
It doesn't
matter what other parents say or do. Encourage parents to make
choices based on their own child's needs and appropriate info. |
| We want to
protect your child, don't you want him to be safe? |
Your child
is the problem, not our establishment. We really don't want to
change what we do, so, change or move your kid. |
Figure out
how to incorporate safety into the environment and for all
children. Address the hazards and barriers, adapt the
environment to meet the needs of all children. |
